I have been thinking about this email for a week now. I am not sure about replying to it in public. It has helped me to clarify my thoughts about this project, 'Presents'. Three months now, and it is very much a balancing act. Replying to this email gives me space to reflect, and to state my position, at least for now.
>Subject: Project Management
First of all, the project lenght is not one day. For me, all the pages of Presents, ever since May 14, are one project. All the pages connect with each other. The rule of Presents is that i do make one page each day, and usually i get the idea for that page on the day itself. I am looking for a surprise, something i didn't expect, something that counteracts the previous pages, counteracts my idea of what this is all about. I didn't start this project with a clear plan, i do get plans along the way, follow them, devise new plans, change my mind, think again, and get back to the first plan (or not).
Even though i think of Presents as one project, it does consists of seperate pages, which can be viewed on their own. I would like every day to say something in some way. And i do think it is possible to make something worthwhile in a day. Through all of Presents (and Retrospective, and Homebase), i might be working on one single message, thinking of many different ways of saying it. The message could be something like: you are never there, there is no final solution, there is always something more, a different angle, it is very tempting to be certain of what you're doing, don't fall in that trap. All the more reason to keep on going.
Ofcourse, Presents will end someday. I admit, the past weeks haven't been easy, and i have thought of quitting. But that would have been the easy way out. Going though all the pages i've made, i see the sketchiness of them, and i think there is a lot more where that came from. Going through a rough time (after the initial 'honeymoon' period) might get me to 'another level', of which i don't have a clear conception now. One thing is certain, i won't get there if i quit. As for spiritual exhibitionism, yeah, ofcourse, thats what this is all about!
>Use your techniques yourself instead of letting other to make money with it.
1. I am not sure my message is relevant. I hope i can put myself on the wrong foot.
It comes with the territory, there are off-days, days i visit something again, try to find another angle. It might be boring, that is the risk of not having prepared everything in advance. I mean, thats life: same shit, another day.
The dot got away!
The dynamics of Presents was a surprise for me. From the start i had an increase in visitors. That was a wonderful feeling, having an audience, getting email with lots of praise. It contributed to the happy feeling the first weeks. It is tempting to repeat myself, look for that same thrill, over and over again. I know there are special pages in Presents, and there are pauses, breaks, fillers. They can be repetitous, but they are as much a part of Presents as the special pages. It is the most important aspect of Presents, making something every day, get inspiration somewhere, somehow. Make an effort. Every day, again and again.
PS. Ofcourse Presents will end some day. That might be in days, in weeks, in months. I don't know how long i have the will to keep on going. But now is not the time to worry about that. It will end when its time.