Telling it like it is

I woke up halfway through the night thinking about this. For a moment i was going to get up and type this, but it was too cold outside my bed really. I'm still thinking about it now, in the equally cold morning - days are getting longer though! I was thinking about all the things i'm not telling here. This idea i had, the feeling i didn't want this website to be my diary, not wanting it too close to my life. The feeling that this place is my work. Well, you know, thats simply not true. My job is my work, this website is what i do in my free time. It's what i love doing the most, but i wouldn't want to do it for the whole day. I wouldn't want it as a job. It's not designed that way.

Most presents i like to be drawings, flash-playthings, pictures. But yeah, the occasional diary-like entry might crop up. I'm not that creative every single day!

So what didn't i tell? I quit smoking, for one thing. Way back in december, december 22 to be precise. I was talking at work that i was gonna quite the week after, and that i thought "Thats stupid, just quit now". So i did. I also lost 7 kilos since then. Got miso-soup coming out of my ears, but i still like it, and i dont have to think every evening what i'm gonna have for diner. Ooh, and i started going to the gym! Three times cardio and a bit of strength, one time pilates. I missed two times last week, but i had my period, the only excuse i'm allowed to use. And ofcourse, last but not least, i started doing presents again. *smile*

There was this sort of life changing moment in december. A feeling i had once or twice before, years ago. I can't describe it in too much detail, one because its kinda fuzzy, two because i have to take a shower now to get at work on time. That life changing feeling is still there, and its making me want to fight to make my life better, better than it is right now. Because basically, i think it sucks. Not in a big way, but its not the life i want to have.

Have to go now, to my at times sucky, at other times unsucky job. I might go walking with music, something i haven't done ever. But yesterday i bought Bloc Party, and i just wanna hear that music over and over. A long time since i had that feeling too!

Gotta go, have a nice day, enjoy it!

lfs, Ellen

PS. The walk to work was really nice, walking through the snow with this fast-paced music. I could prevent myself from singing along - but i was having a big smile on my face!

Edited 15.08 CET