Friday March 4, 2005, 16.18 CET

Sidenotes and comments.
It's hard to keep things simple, to say what i want to say. And this afternoon i won't succeed, that's clear to me now. It doesn't really matter. Anyway, i plan to update this page over the weekend, ending it sunday evening. I have a vague sense of direction, but it's very possible i get sidetracked. Going to the gym now, work myself into a sweat. It's actually snowing right this minute, love walking through it!

20.43 CET

How many ways are there to say hi?

Saturday March 5, 2005, 22.55 CET

Well, apparently i didn't have much to say here today! I did think today about this keeping up a diary over the weekend, but i just didn't feel like it sofar. Which is fine by me, i don't mind changing my mind halfway through a plan. The main drive behind this idea was the urgent feeling i have that i wanna change my life. I have it under control most of the time, i'm not gonna do something rash, like quit my job, sell my house and move back to London. Even though, yeah, that plan is very appealing to me...

Its almost scary to discover i'm taking this plan seriously. But its a nice kind of scary! And it's not like i'm venturing into the complete unknown, i already lived in London for seven months and know some people there. I'm actually going to London in May, the 5th of May to be exact. In the beginning of this year i thought about this date, 05-05-05, which is ofcourse very appealing and probably a date lots of people get married on. Only last week i found out its also the day of Ascension, a national holiday here in the Netherlands, and 'Liberationday', the day the Germans surrendered here in the Netherlands and the war was over officially. Even though these meanings stamped on specific days are somewhat artificial at times, I do like going back to London on that day.

Time to get some sleep (it's 00.37), hopefully i'll write a bit more tomorrow, and maybe do some work on the site, like implementing a rss-feed and split the category 'image' into 'photo' and 'drawing' - long overdue.

Sunday March 6, 2005, 20.41 CET

I'm having a much more laidback weekend that i expected. Partly because the gymclass i took last friday still makes me feel my leg and bum, which i guess is a good thing. I did go to Pilates this morning, that wore me out even more, i fell asleep on the couch this afternoon. I did do some work, added the drawing category and went through all the 'images' to categorize 'drawings'. Turns out most drawings are done these past weeks, i made a lot more photos in the beginning. Its funny how that goes, i bought this wacom tablet from a collegue at work, it was lying there for weeks and one friday i said i would take it home and see how it worked for me. I had tried a tablet before, and i didn't like it much then. This time however, i was hooked immediately. And now suddenly drawing becomes more alive for me. I used to draw a lot. At artschool, especially in the early years, drawing was the main thing i did. I loved using all kinds of materials. Only a few months ago i threw away some old drawing materials. They were all dried up, unusable. I kept them in a box in a closet for 15 years or more.

Well, i'm gonna finish this page, close it down for the day. The plan i had didn't work out, but thats ok. I did do a lot of thinking over the weekend, but i just didn't feel like sharing it with the rest of the world. I am curious as to what is gonna happen with my life the next year. By now, i know myself, and i can feel a desire for change coming. There are times when i'm bolting, but i need some time to figure out what direction i'm gonna take. Untill i know, i'm fine where i am.

Gonna make me some tea!

lfs,
Ellen