To be honest, i'm a bit at a loss. I don't know what to do or make as a present this evening. Luckily, for me, i didn't worry too much about it. I did decide halfway throught the evening i would write something, but this is already the third time i started. Two previous attempts were contemptuously discarded, failed to meet the fuzzy criteria i uphold for presentmaking. There was one idea i had, which i might still do: get an I Ching reading. I do have my periods of using it, usually coinciding with times i write in a diary. Since i don't write that much anymore - especially since i started my website - i hardly read the book. But earlier this year i did, just this little ritual, usually late at night, something to think about, or not think about at all. Last week i came across these articles about the two different methods to get a reading: Cross the great stream, I Ching : A More Complex Model. Well, not exactly articles about the different methods, more an analysis of probabilities when using the two different methods. And yeah, i like math, or better, i like the idea of math, but i'm not a mathematician myself, and have to confess a lot i forgot about it. When i started programming in flash i had to learn again about triginomotry, i had forgotten most about that! But i do like the way mathematics looks, the esthetics of it. Thats the feeling i have when reading blogs like Dread, Walking. I like the look of it. It also makes me very curious about the book Number and numbers by Badiou (pdf downloadable at Dread, Walking). I had never heard of Badiou before these past weeks, when i started exploring these cultural/philosopical/critical blogs. Still got the pdf waiting to print out and read, when i looked over the pdf it seemed like a book i would really like, so maybe this weekend!

Oh well, i might as well throw some coins, even though that method apparently is biased. I always enjoyed throwing money! OK: 8 - 8 - 7 - 7 - 8 - 9. 56 as the first sign, 62 as the second. I know 56 by heart, the Wanderer, the person with no home. I remember once getting this one and recognizing it and being surprised by it at the same time. Because i don't travel that much, i don't move about, only lived in three houses my entire life. But it is how i feel, it's not my home, i simply stay here and grow and learn, and maybe one day i'll end up in a place i feel i belong.. then again, maybe not. That changing line at the top isn't very good, about losing modesty, losing the place where one can rest. Oh dear... The final sign, where the top line has changed: 62, Preponderance of the Small ( I had to look that up, i have a dutch version). Oh well, staying modest again, doing little things. I always thought of presents as little things, so i guess i'm trying.

I gotta stop now, its way past bedtime, and way past the time i filled in at the top (don't tell anyone... :-). I'll leave the typos in for now, maybe i'll check it tomorrow, but right now, i'm getting sleepy. Nighty night!

lfs, Ellen