My boyfriend is someone whose existence i severely doubted. For the longest time it was Green Gartside, but he got married. Pffff. I admit, that was a big blow. It might actually be the main reason why i quit making presents the past 8 years. Of course there were other men. Most of them people I knew. Whose name i won't tell here. Cuz of their privacy. And there is no reason to unearth old and buried feelings.
The last time i fell in love is only a few weeks ago. The weirdest thing happened when i saw his wedding ring after a week. I felt something going away inside me. I really felt it. Of course it took me a few weeks to get it all out of my system, but i do believe I managed. It's still a bit sensitive, but it doesn't hurt me. Not anymore.
So here I am. 50 years old. I can spend my life alone, quite happy. Or i can try to find my boyfriend. Finally.
My first response is of course to get me one, now! When I sit in the train, when I walk outside, I am watching all the people passing by. Quite desperate really. I've become aware that I'm in a dangerous period. I can start to feel strength in me, the power to draw people towards me. To get me what I want. Dangerous. Yes.
How would i like my boyfriend to be? Gentle, kind, sweet. My age, or a little older. My height, or a little taller. And yes, handsome :) I got a list of names, but there are many more people whose name I don't know. And of course I got dreams. I just move another picture of a face on my boyfriend. I give him another name. Easy. It's hard to make me not do that. Might even be impossible.
So, here I am. Not entirely sure which way is the best. The only way forward I see is to follow my own heart. Which is a bit scary, truth be told. But i think i can handle myself. Finally.